Book Review: My Dark Vanessa

Author: Kate Elizabeth Russell

Genre: contemporary, fiction

Rating: 5/5

Verdict

*slight spoilers ahead*

A combination of fiction and memoir, My Dark Vanessa is disconcerting and tragic. Based on a true story, the novel’s publication coincided with the #MeToo movement, where the sexual abuse of women and girls across the globe was being brought to the forefront of society’s attention. Sexual abuse is an old tale and despite changes in attitude it is one that is ongoing today, experienced by countless, nameless others.

My Dark Vanessa is a harrowing tale of the illicit relationship Vanessa Wye has with her English teacher, Jacob Strane. Starting when she was just 15, at 32 years old adult-Vanessa is still influenced by her former English teacher. With Vanessa as the narrator we see first-hand the ongoing impact the relationship has on her life, especially when other women come forward as victims of Strane.

Vanessa is captivated by Strane. The narrative alternates between the present and past, throwing you back and forth and emphasising Vanessa’s compulsion to hold onto her romanticised past to retain her sense of self. She does not see herself as a person outside her memories and has become so immersed in them she now struggles to separate herself from them.

Despite intimate scenes being laid out, there is a distance to their relationship. With Vanessa constantly viewing Strane foremost as her teacher. He’s never Jacob, only Strane. His rhetoric when speaking to Vanessa both persuasive and manipulative. Everything conversation is designed to convince Vanessa she willingly ‘asks’ for everything he does to her. But during these moments of intimacy, Vanessa is disconnected. She is both engrossed and grossed out by Strane. She doesn’t find his body appealing; during sex she even projects herself out of her body into a different room, waiting for Strane to finish. Her first experience of sex is painful and rough. Even after it’s clear she never enjoys the act, instead going through the motions to appease her perceived would-be suitor. These scenes are difficult to read but serve to vilify how she insists on perceiving her relationship. It’s not desired, it’s endured.

The narrative is dominated by Stockholm Syndrome. Vanessa is incapable of acknowledging what really happened to her, instead romanticising the past to dampen the trauma and help her accept her past. The older she gets the more this act alienates her from her peers, as those she confides in become more and more horrified by her reaction. I found this to be incredibly powerful, as it highlights the difficulty victims of sexual trauma face when trying to process their experiences. Her ex-boyfriend goes as far as to give her a villainous persona because of her coping mechanism, his confusion overpowering any other reaction. Only her therapist is able to accept her reasoning without critiquing her.

The novel Lolita is mentioned repeatedly throughout the narrative; it’s a book Strane lends to Vanessa when he starts grooming her. I’d argue a lot of My Dark Vanessa’s tragedy stems from Vanessa’s misunderstanding of Lolita; she willingly aligns herself with Lolita as a ‘nymphet’ and doesn’t recognise the paedophilic qualities Strane shares with narrator Humbert Humbert. Lolita is not a romance and neither is My Dark Vanessa.

Identify is a central theme in this novel. In the presence of Strane we see the personhood of his victims be completely removed; including that of Vanessa. All of them are reduced to little girls, highlighting the predatory nature Strane exudes. Even as an adult Vanessa is infantalised, her actions and words treated like those of a child. Jarringly, Strane does attempt to depict a presence of power in the girls, suggesting their youthfulness is a source of power. Whatever mental hold he tries to suggest Vanessa and other young girls have over him (and no doubt other men), it is nothing to the physical dominance Strane possesses. He an quite literally bend Vanessa to his will. Any claim of power is a blatant lie on Strane’s part, designed to make him the prey and demonise his victims. Like Humbert Humbert, he is in complete control the whole time. My Dark Vanessa contributes to the discussions on child rape and the act of consent, topics that are still quite closed and reserved. In this book we see Vanessa constantly be let down by systems designed to support and protect her; the school, the state, her parents even. It’s easy to turn your head and ignore the elephant in the room. Simpler. But it comes with devastating consequences. Not an easy to topic to read, but one that needs attention, My Dark Vanessa exposes the ongoing victimisation and villainization of those subjected to rape, and how it’s a narrative that desperately needs to change.

Find the book on Goodreads!