Book Review: Conversations with Friends

Author: Sally Rooney

Genre: contemporary, fiction, LGBT

Rating: 5/5

Verdict

*slight spoilers ahead*

Conversations with Friends is a novel that focuses on the lives of students Bobbi and Frances and their relationship with married couple Nick and Melissa. Bobbi and Frances are ex-girlfriends turned best friends, who perform spoken poetry when they meet 36 year old Melissa. A photographer and writer, she is taken by their performance and decides to write a piece on them. This leads to both girls meeting her husband Nick, with whom Frances becomes quite enamoured.

If you’ve already read Normal People, then you will quickly draw several parallels with that novel. The story is internalised, with a lot of the narrative occurring in the heads of characters (mainly Frances) rather than in real life. Like Marianne and Connell our main characters are intelligent, observant and flawed. They also live in the vibrant city of Dublin, which is once again brought to life in this narrative.

Frances acts and thinks of herself as an enigma. Her passivity is interwoven throughout the novel, right down to the structure. Her disengagement is particularly emphasised by Rooney’s use of indirect speech. Even when involved she does not treat herself as directly engaging in a conversation, instead she is reporting it. The sex scenes also show a level of detachment. The atmosphere of these moments is not intimate and the pleasure seems muted. Frances either describes sexual intercourse in a methodical way or glosses over the act. No stereotypical romance is included in these scenes.

My favourite part of this novel would have to be the breakdown of performativity and self. With Frances as the narrator, we are receiving an endless stream of thought as she observes and analyses the world around her. Her mind is lively and active, yet when you look closely you realise that the activity of her mind does not always get vocalised. In fact, very little of what Frances thinks gets spoken. She holds back and often gives course, blunt responses. This earns her mixed responses of admiration and frustration. Typically her responses adapt to the person she is engaged with, often seeming to reflect her counterparts ideas and thoughts, removing any sincerity from what she says or does. Presenting the ultimate ‘cool girl’ front, through her eyes we see Bobbi as the ‘coolest girl’ and Nick as ‘cool boy’. Both depictions are incredibly flawed.

You quickly come to realise that Frances idolises those she truly loves. In her mind those she admires are extraordinary. This leads to her misunderstanding them and even isolating herself from them. Rather than playing the role of the distant cool boy, Nick is clinically depressed. Bobbi is not the allusive rich girl ready to conquer the world. With her parents divorcing and her future uncertain, she’s inherently shown to be a regular person. Under the gaze of Frances, however, these two are elevated above all others. If you’ve read The Great Gatsby, you know that warped, romanticised views of people can have consequences.

Frances’ enigmatic poise is so strong, that I think a lot of her personality is hidden even from herself. She is so used to reflecting others that she struggles to recognise her own sense of self. Her own pain, her own pleasure, is mute. During the novel we witness Frances’ trauma; her fragile relationship with both parents, her recognition of her father’s alcoholism. We see her go through a false pregnancy and miscarriage in a matter of pages, only to find out she has a debilitating disease that could make her infertile. She endures a lot in this novel, and yet her reaction is pretty understated each time. Her mind seems to be on autopilot, the default being to appease. It’s a default many of us have, one that should be addressed.

The story explores polygamy, but not successfully. Or at least, not positively. The relationships Nick has with both Melissa and Frances are fraught with secrecy and miscommunication. This leads to a lot of jealousy and strain. Rather than being a topic of openness, sex seems to be used as a tool of conquest, upsetting all 3 characters at different points of the book. Whilst the novel doesn’t seem to be against polyamorous relationships, in fact that novel’s ending suggests a sense of hopefulness it could succeed, it doesn’t portray them in the best light. Nick’s relationship with Frances seems to be used as a way of keeping his marriage to Melissa intact.

This is the first novel I’ve read where a protagonist has endometriosis; a condition where tissue similar to the lining of your womb can be found elsewhere. A painful diagnosis, it is one that is very common in women, yet not well recognised in the public eye. In the narrative we gain in depth understanding of what it can be like to live with the illness and how scary the symptoms can be pre-diagnosis; at one point it is assumed Frances is miscarrying the pain is so extreme. This educational insight could serve to help bring more awareness to a condition that affects 1 in 10 women.

I loved this book, the complexity of the characters and the exploration of self-expression and public identity. The novel leaves you with a lot to think about, a lot to talk about. I think it provides a number of topical points to discuss and I look forward to seeing how the TV adaptation turns out.  

Find the book on Goodreads!